My Spirituality

(Just a warning to anyone who is greatly into religion,may be offensive and even feel this is way out there)

Growing up I always had a love for God,Jesus and all his beings,life.

I was in bible school and sometimes Sundays school...so boring! Bible school was better in my opinion,more active. Children need that to learn.better) IMHO *smiles*

I still remember being in Explorers,getting badges and wearing our ever so stylish uniforms. One saying from the bible that never left me from then is, "Be doers of the word and not hearers only."

Be doers of the word and not hearers only?

Well I suppose this took me on my life journey regarding religion and spiritulity.Well certianly helped I suppose.

Life went on and teachings from bible school and other church activities were instill in my mind.Like hellfire,if you ticked God off enough ,well that is where you are going for eternity.Persistent tourture forever. Isn't God suppose to be merciful,loving and forgiving?Kinda double standard really.

So life went on and I had many ups and downs,drinking,doing drugs,even a lil bit of stealing! Well, that was always in the back of my mind,I will smarten up one of these days for I will not be condemned to hellfire for life. Really when I look back,I wasn't a real bad kid, just finding my way. The hard way,for sure! Oh,I must add Biddie was my accomplice in many of my doings.

My father died when I was 14 yrs old, a severe alcoholic,with a heart condition. Two things that do not go well together.

That did change me a great deal,I don't even recall grieving a great deal over him.At the time I guess,I felt, he didn't deserve my grief. But I always missed him,always missed having a Father,everything about having a real father figure in my life.

Then,

I was intoduced to a cult,that is the Jehovah Witnesses. I really felt they had this "truth" I have been seeking since childhood. I was told,I have the heart to be one of Jehovah's "witnesses" to live forever on earth in paradise. Some of the teachings were,resurrections on earth,only if they were people who never learned "their" truth or people whom died that were JW's were to be brought back to life. Well I don't really want to get into too much of this religion. Its old for me now.lol

But,yeh,I was like," My dad, I will see my dad again" and was thinking hellfire for eternity isn't true.

Perhaps God is loving after all?

Then came armageddon,a God,that will yet kill thousand of people if they donot follow "their truth". I was always at battle with myself when I was involved in this religion/cult,always giving excuses for it.Very defensive over it. So many teachings didn't add up from their literature to the scriptures and it bothered me greatly. I always managed to push those in the back of my mind and forget them,so I thought.

Fear, this religion instills much fear to keep you in,you will lose family,friends and worse yet your life and your childrens as well. Well luckly for myself,I wasn't at risk of losing family because I was the only one in,but I did loose some friends,but that didn't affect my life at all. Their loss,not mine.

Well,losing my life to a vengeful God,whom I felt didn't really love me any more,had great impact on my life for yrs to come. Anixitey,feeling at loss because I left my God. Waking up at night because I thought armageddon was here and we were all going to die. That lasted for years.

Then I had enough,with all sincerity,I prayed to God,to show me the truth. I prayed with tears for hours to God to show me about this religion. If it was from him I would go back.

Well,the next day,I woke up and began surfing on the net and just thought I would look up "Jehovah witnesses". That was the beginning to my healing to many yrs of fear mongering,that did "brainwash" me.

The net is a beautiful thing when used correctly. I am very thankful for it.

For a few years,I was on a site for x-jw's and it was great healing and an eye opener . I tell you many emountions a person can go threw after learning what I did about this religion. I am thankful for that,as well.

I do have to say,even thought being envolved in the jw's was a learning experience and it has made me a stronger person. Much wiser,for sure.

Many more,years later I began to get confused again. What is life about? Why are we here,what is up with all this? So I began looking into many other faith's Buddism,Islam, christanity. When it came down to it,none of them filled that gap I needed and the desire to know God.

I must say Buddism is good. Great theolgy.

Over the years I have gone threw many beliefs of my own,I even began to believe there wasn't a God.

Then again,not even a year ago,many nights of heart prayers to God." Are you there God?

Show me who you really are God.

Back step a bit, over the yrs,I just settled with being spiritual,there is a God and it doesn't matter. Religion is all man made,to instill fear,to controll the people. Of course money. Yes ,yes,the world does revolve around money,we all have no choice but to do what we can to make it in this world. You know the difference...

Over the yrs I have come to believe,we all have spirit gaurdians/Angels watching over us.Loving spirit beings that love us and want the best for us.

When Makayla was born,she was born at 11:11 pm. A nurse called out,the wishing hour! I was like o cool.O.K. Didn't think too much on it. I must say she is one speical girl! What a little crystal she is.

After she was born,I seen 11:11 for yrs and yrs. Odd I thought. Many years went by seeing this,then I had to look it up.

It does have to do with loving gaurdians,spirit gaurdians,Angels and God.

We are in a time of awakening to what life is and God. I have finally but still learning to know God. If you donot think of God in a religious standard,I find he is easier to understand and believe.

I will tell you from past experiences,I did not jump into this,I questioned and kept one foot out the door. I have 100% made up my own mind to where I am in my spiritual "quest" to find God. I have prayed to God to show me if this was ok and if these beings were from him. I prayed to God to surround me with his love and light and only to let those in with his intentions and my best intentions to come into my life.

Well I tell you,I have been on an awesome journey and it is only the beginning.

I tell you as well,this is my mind and no one will ever fear monger me again or judge me for what I believe.

Peace.
Love.
Forgivness.
Awaken.
We are one.
The universes is all about love.
No fear.
(edited) God is love.

Just imagine if we all loved equally?

A part of my mind and soul. Trust me there is lots more!

*Hugs*